she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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