My girlfriend figured out who you are.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
