i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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