the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
