Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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