So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
