I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
