So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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