Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
