haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
