How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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