the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
