Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
