No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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