Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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