Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
