make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
