tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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