K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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