I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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