you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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