I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
