Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
