I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
