last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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