They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
