literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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