Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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