Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
