i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
