just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
