and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
