Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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