hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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