Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
