Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
