Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
