I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
