btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
