Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
