Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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