happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
