I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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