its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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