I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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