If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
