If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
