I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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