This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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