So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
