Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
