I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
